The Good, the Bad, and the New Year
by Deborah Whitaker

During the last days of 2015, I read Facebook posts that a few of my friends wrote summarizing their year. Their posts mainly focused on the good things and not the bad, a seemingly unspoken requirement for Facebook.  Their posts got me thinking about what I'd write about my 2015. I certainly wouldn't post it on social media, nor would I gloss over the bad. I decided to look at the good, the bad, and the ugly of my 2015. 

For Christmas, my friend Jo Ellen gave me a coffee mug with lines from famous movies. A month before, she gave me a small, square pink bordered piece of paper with field daisies and clearing skies on it. It read: She took the leap and built her wings on the way down. I taped it to my gold desk lamp above my lap top. Both were touching tokens of her acknowledgment of my 2015.  
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In the spring of 2015 I took a leap to make an independent film. I had written my screenplay CLIMATE years before, and after many years of trying to sell it I finally came to the realization I had to produce it myself. It wasn't a loud, blaring calling. It was quiet, appearing in between the washing of dishes and answering of emails.  It was something I had to do.

Jo Ellen's story of parental alienation is the basis of Climate. Bravely, she allowed me to tell her story. Over and over again I repeated to her that I'd understand if she didn't want to go forward with it, but each time she agreed to allow her story to be told so that "my voice will be heard."  ​

Climate is partly her story, partly my story, and the story of another dear friend, Tj, who like Jo Ellen, went through a severe case of parental alienation. Climate was born when Tj took me on an all-expenses paid 10 day vacation to Hawaii while I was going through a terrible divorce.

Tj's entire family gathered in Hawaii to celebrate their Mom's 80th birthday. While there, I started writing in a small tiki hut on the beach, inspired for the first time since my divorce.  Standing on lava rock for the first time, I "went vertical", as Tj put it, feeling a connection to Mother Earth that was indescribable, and that eventually became Climate. 

Climate parallels the tragic alienation between a mother and a daughter with the alienation between nature and humanity. As a psychotherapist, I spy alienation everywhere. It seeps in slowly and stealthily, dividing up unsuspecting families and friends like flood waters and earthquakes. It's what keeps us divided from each other and destroying our planet. I believe its rising frequency is tied to the increase of narcissism in our culture (enabled by social media), and my hope for this film is that it may raise awareness to the mostly unseen and insidious process of alienation.

The main reason I could even consider producing a film was because I was surrounded by trustworthy and talented friends, each with filmmaking skills of varying degrees. When asked, not one of my friends hesitated.

Joe, Justin, Tj and Craig each stepped up to their roles with passion and excitement, never worrying about the 'what-ifs', the 'I can'ts' or the enormous amount of uncertainties. Each embraced the project wholeheartedly and gave it their all.  It was SO GOOD.

On a blue moon on the last day of July, our team gathered at a beautiful New Hampshire lake house to begin filming.  Tj's brother and sister-in-law graciously opened their second home to us and hosted our "vacation location" as Joe liked to call it. Tj handled sound, Joe took care of lighting and managed the overall set, while Craig maneuvered our Black Magic 4K camera.

​I mostly managed just about everything else, including holding Joe's iPhone so Justin, our Director, who was lying on his bed in Hollywood, could see the shots and talk to the actors. It was an outrageous idea to direct the movie via Facetime (and Skype), but it worked and we had a lot of fun with it.  It didn't take long before we found our groove for the weekend. When we wrapped, our hosts capped off our weekend with a sunset boat ride around the lake.  

We filmed for three weekends in the summer, and three in the fall. A highlight of the summer was the weekend we returned to the lake. A neighbor had a stone labyrinth in her backyard and graciously allowed us to film there.  We spent that weekend filming a few towns away at my dear friend Pam's house, another friend who didn't hesitate to become involved in the film.  After we shot scenes inside Pam's yoga studio and outside in the medicine wheel she and her yoga students built in her backyard, we all jumped in our cars and caravanned to the lake for the labyrinth scene. 

The labyrinth scene is the film's comic relief. It showcases the climax of the continuing squabble between the lead character's mother and father over the overuse and over consumption of cell phones and candy bars, their respective addictions. The scene was eventually edited to a tune that mimicked The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Their weapons were of equal caliber: an Android and a Snickers bar.  

Over the course of filming, little miracles occurred so frequently we began to expect them, but the big miracle came before we ever began filming. Tj bought the Black Magic Camera, only to be unexpectedly laid off the week it arrived in the mail.

The same day he was laid off, only two hours after he had packed up his desk, an unexpected check also arrived in the mail. His Mother passed away in March, and had taken out a life insurance policy that Tj didn't know about.  In that moment, in between shock and incredulous tears, we all felt it. Tj's Mom was giving us a thumbs up. Climate was divinely blessed.

And so, we began our journey riding that miraculous wave, never anticipating a downside that we couldn't rise above.  Not that there weren't problems.  Issues of various types were many, and frequent. As a team, we mindfully attended to every difficulty that arose, slicing them like tall grasses as we carved our path with the golden scythes of our determination and purpose. We were filming an important story that needed to be told, and the universe was supporting us.  We would prevail.. 

Until we didn't. Until we hit a bump in the road that crushed us and our enthusiasm immediately. It stopped us in our tracks. It was SO BAD.
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I imagined there'd be areas my lack of experience with making a film would reveal, and I welcomed the lessons. We all did, but none of us could have anticipated this.  We had to let our two lead actors go. Talent does not necessarily equate with integrity.  Our intent was to tell a story of the process of alienation, and right before our eyes, it was being acted out more literally than anyone on our team could have imagined or prepared for. It was the process of alienation at its apex.  Like fast growing weeds, alienation quickly reclaimed the path we cleared.  Suddenly, we were living our story, and for some of us, all over again.

Like the clichéd case of the chicken and egg, which came first?  Did telling a story of alienation beget alienation? By simply deciding to tell this story of alienation, were we casting our own experience of it?  Must we watch for alienation on set the way the cast of Poltergeist had to watch dark, creaky corridors for ghosts?

​This is why I had to look squarely at MY BAD of 2015. I can't shake or erase it simply because I put up a new calendar. This experience really drove home the point. Alienation is, indeed, everywhere, even in the production of a movie about alienation.

During our autumn downturn came a pleasant upswing. Climate was featured in a two page spread in Imagine, Boston's premiere film magazine. In November, the October issue and I traveled to Santa Monica, and Justin and I attended the American Film Market conference being held there, in order to attract potential producing partners.

​Here, we learned a lot about the current market. Basically, we saw how many ways there are to tell and sell zombie stories. We really weren't surprised. It brought me full circle to a blog I wrote when we first began filming. Narcissism has become so prevalent it's creating a zombie apocalypse.

While in Hawaii I learned about an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation called ho'oponopono, which essentially means taking ultimate responsibility for everything in our lives.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.

We've incorporated this healing practice into Climate's story. This is the message and the hope for Climate. The more we practice ho'oponopono, the more we connect with nature, others and ourselves, and the more alienation dissolves. All our experiences underscore the urgent need for practicing ho'oponopono. We had certainly stepped onto the journey.

The GOOD thing about looking at the BAD is that it helped us make decisions about our direction and next steps, and the most important step of all. Miracles arose because we worked with friends who care. Our combined energy and support created an amplified field that allowed for wondrous things to occur. The experiences we lived through only strengthened our bond and our resolve. I am truly blessed to have such friends. 

And so now, in 2016, we must re-shoot. Restart. Re-cast. Regroup. But I'm excited, expecting more miracles, and looking forward to new adventures.

Thanks to everything that transpired in 2015 I now clearly see that our task in 2016 in producing Climate is to connect with friends we haven't met yet; friends who care about the planet, and who won't be going to see those zombie movies any time soon. Friends who are trustworthy, heart centered, and aren't afraid of looking at the bad and taking responsibility for themselves and for the planet. Friends who would like to join us on this journey and help us produce this project.​

While reading those end of 2015 Facebook posts, I stumbled upon a Facebook game that randomly gives you one word to describe your upcoming year, such as "Happiness", "Wisdom" etc.  Mine was Friendship.  The post read: "Your next year will be based on Friendship. You will see who your true friends are and that they always have your back." "How fitting" I wrote, and then shared the post.